Swami's 2003 State of the Universe
by Swami Beyondananda
Hello everybody -- it is great to be here ... and you know what? We
really have no choice. Because no matter where we are, we are
always here. And it is always now. In fact, there's even a book called
The Power of Now. I haven't had time to read it yet, but I hope
to get to it in a later now.
Meanwhile, back in this now, the issue facing the United States, and
indeed the world is, will George Bush give in to his Big Iraq
Attack and order up a war? Latest reports say that a war to force a
regime change in Iraq will cost $200 billion. It is puzzling to me
why some of those fiscal fitness fanatics in the Republican Party
haven't tried to find a cheaper way to do it. Maybe if they offered
the Iraqis half -- $100 billion -- they could do it themselves.
Then we'd still have $100 billion left to spend on regime change in this
Because -- and I have to be blunt here -- the folks we have in charge
are fossils fueled by fossil fuels. And in the reptilian brain,
problems aren't solved, they're attacked.
Like the War on Poverty. Remember that? I'm happy to report that it's
finally over. The poor people have all surrendered. And take
the War on Drugs -- please! How many billions have they spent? My
solution is cheaper and more effective ... improve reality!
Now we have the War on Terrorism. We're going to terrorize those
terrorists into giving up terrorism if it's the last thing we do! And it
just might be. The good news is -- and I have it on the Highest
Authority -- there will indeed be peace on Earth. Whether we humans
are around to enjoy it, that is up to us.
No wonder there is so much fear, uncertainty and confusion on the
planet. I'll tell you how bad it's gotten. You've heard of
Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle? Well, they're not even sure about
THAT anymore. And so, more and more people are turning to
the mystics for answers.
I have often said there are two kinds of mystics, the optimystics and
the pessimystics. Now pessimystics seem to be more in
touch with "reality," but optimystics are happier and live longer for
some reason. The pessimystics have been crying, "The sky is
falling, the sky is falling!" The optimystics say, "No. It just looks
that way because we are ascending."
Now, for those people who read the news -- not to mention those
unfortunate enough to BE in the news -- last year was not an easy
year to keep an optimystic attitude with so much pessimystic evidence.
Call me a hopeless "hopium" addict, but I choose to
accentuate the positive. For example, you can say we human beings have
moved further down the path of self-destruction. Or you
could say the Earth is ridding itself of a virulent parasite.
You can despair over continuing war, disease and starvation, or you can
go, "Hey, population control the good, old fashioned way --
without birth control or abortion." Who says "compassionate
conservative" is an oxymoron?
You can worry about the government taking liberties with our liberties
or you can say, "Life has become simpler! They've boiled the
Bill of Rights down to just one: You have the right to remain silent."
So I am not going to dwell on the negative. As my guru Harry Cohen Baba
used to say, "Life is like photography ... we use the
negative to develop."
So let us look at the bright side. Like technological advances, for
example. Forty years ago President John F. Kennedy promised to
have a man on the moon by the end of the 1960s. Well, we have far
exceeded that. Thanks to the so-called Patriot Act, George
Bush can have a man on Uranus by the end of the week!
George Bush was responsible for a great spiritual advance last year, as
well. He upgraded the Golden Rule for the new millennium.
It's now the Gold Rule: "Doodoo unto others before they can doodoo unto
And -- say what you will -- President Bush has made great strides on
behalf of minority representation. Never before have we had a
President who was looking out for a smaller minority.
Now this is the State of the Universe Address, and seen from that higher
perspective, things look great! I am happy to report that
the Universe continued to expand in 2002, and in fact, they actually had
to let the Photon Belt out a another notch. An expanding
Universe means more jobs too, so we can expect a steady influx of aliens
looking for work. Yep, the Universe just keeps purring in
perfection, ever-changing as usual. The planets continue to harmoniously
spin in their orbits, and except for the occasional case of
asteroids, they just calmly go about their business.
Meanwhile, back here on earth, things are a bit more problematical. We
still haven't fully recovered from that vicious dogma attack
of 911. But as an optimystic, I believe you can indeed teach an old
dogma new tricks, simply by changing the emPHAsis to another
sylLABle. Instead of focusing only on emergency measures, why not take
emerge 'n SEE measures?
When we emerge from our fearful hiding places and see from the cosmic
comic perspective, we realize that beneath all the stress
and distress and sadness in life there is a deep well of joy. Each time
we let laughter bubble up from the well, we experience deep
wellness. Levity helps us overcome gravity, especially when we shine the
light of laughter on those poorly-lit corridors of power.
Do you know what the leading cause of terrorism is? It's seriousness.
I'm serious. Think about it. Those people have no sense of
humor. Otherwise how could they believe they will get to heaven by
putting other people through hell?
Here is my vision: A suicide bomber arrives at the Gates of Heaven, and
God clops him over the head and says, "SCHMUCK!
What'd you do that for? 72 virgins? YOU get one 72-year-old virgin, and
his name starts with Ayatollah!"
But if Americans are willing to revive the Iraqi Horror Picture Show
just to feed our out-of-control oil habit, how are we that different?
How many innocents will be put through hell, just to preserve our little
corner of relative heaven? There is no real peace without
harmony and balance, only the vicious cycle of injustice. Peons get
tired of getting peed on, right? You get pissed on, and pretty
soon you're gonna get pissed off. This causes the hot spots to flare,
and pretty soon you have an uprising, which usually results in
a downfall. All these uprisings and downfalls can be wearing on the body
Fortunately, we do have a choice. One of my favorite stories recently is
about a Native American grandfather talking to his young
grandson. He tells the boy he has two wolves inside of him struggling
with each other. The first is the wolf of peace, love and
kindness. The other wolf is fear, greed and hatred. "Which wolf will
win, grandfather?" asks the young boy. "Whichever one I feed,"
is the reply.
Every day -- every moment -- we have the choice to feed the wolf of love
or the wolf of fear. It is interesting that we are called
humanKIND. What better time than now to find out, can mankind treat man
I have a dream ... I call it tell-a-vision. I say, if you're
dissatisfied with the current programming, you can turn off your TV and
vision instead. Here is my vision: Remember the Manhattan Project during
World War II? It took less than four years for a group of
scientists to develop the first weapon of mass destruction. My vision
is, we can do even better for an even worthier goal. We could
call it the Manhelpin Project, and its purpose would be to develop the
first weapon of mass construction instead.
Think about it. What if we used that $200 billion set to detonate in
Iraq, and put it toward becoming the worldwide leader in
renewable, clean, sustainable energy sources? Now there's some real
power. Create something so plentiful you don't have to pay
an army to protect your share. A healthy income, a healthy outcome ...
what could possibly make more sense? Boy, talk about
feeding two birds with one scone!
The choice is up to us. If we want an alternative, we must feed the
"alter native" economy ... anything that alters us natives for the
better. The world we live in is a byproduct of the products we buy, is
it not? What if we only choose to buy products with healthy
byproducts? Think about this: There are at least 45 million Americans
who consciously want to feed the wolf of peace. If each of us
switched just $100 into the alter native economy, that would be $4.5
Last year, we launched a blisskrieg and declared "all out peace." I'm
happy to report it is already working. More people are letting
their inner peace out, and these outbreaks of peace are actually causing
esteem to rise! And we all know that rising esteem is
good for the atmosphere.
As esteem rises, more people on the planet will be able to be all that
they can be -- without joining the army. And when more of us
put our energy into love and laughter instead of criticizing and
condemning, we will have Uncritical Mass ... and we will bring about
Nonjudgment Day, and along with it, Disarmaggedon. Now you might be
wondering, what will Nonjudgment Day look like? Let me
tell another vision.
I have been to the heights of levity, and I have seen people all over
the world dancing together in the universal dance of fool
realization ... The Hokey Pokey. I want you to hold this vision with me:
all of the world leaders at the United Nations beginning their
sessions with the Hokey Pokey.
What if Ariel Sharon and Yasser Arafat put their whole selves in? That
would be commitment. And then pulled their whole selves
out. That is detachment. Then they turn themselves around, which is
transformation. And that, my friends, is what it is all about!
So, how can you help raise the laugh force on the planet enough to bring
about Nonjudgment Day? First, you can take a vow of
levity, and laugh more. And we even have a Laughmore Society to help you
do just that. Next, you can support everyone's right to
laugh by joining the Right To Laugh Party... "One big party, everyone is
invited. All for fun, and fun for all."
Commit random acts of comedy. Practice Fun Shui and leave the world a
funnier place. Anything to elicit a moment of
fool-realization with a spark of laughter. Because only when we lovingly
laugh at our foolishness, can we seriously change things for
the better. May you wake up laughing and leave laughter in your wake ...
and may the Farce be with you!